but not enough

[dhampyresa]

(Entry title from Ilya Kaminsky's We Lived Happily During the War.)

I hate not being able to do anything. I hate it SO MUCH. It's like instead of being one tightly wound spring, I'm a million tuning forks vibrating at ultrahigh frequencies.

I keep feeling guilty about the silliest, most trivial things (seriously, who gives a fuck if most of my very sporadic recent fic output is from owned-by-Disney properties?!) and about making it all about me and being a coward and lazy and not having the skills to DO anything. I don't have any skills. I'm fucking pointless is what I am. The only skill I can sort of be said to have is that I managed to run a fandom exchange almost decently for a few years. Such useful very skill wow

...

Hey, do you think there'd be an interest in a pro-Ukraine/anti-war fannish fundraiser? too little too late?

Comments

[sovay]

Hey, do you think there'd be an interest in a pro-Ukraine/anti-war fannish fundraiser?

I have personally no idea how to organize one, but of course. It is never too late while a war is still going on. Incidentally, you are not pointless. *hugs*

[dhampyresa]

Thank you for the support.

[conuly]

I think there's always interest in fannish fundraisers, even for trivial causes, which this certainly isn't.

[dhampyresa]

This is fair.

[netgirl_y2k]

I'm so sorry you're feeling crappy, but you're not alone in feeling helpless because god knows I do.

Hey, do you think there'd be an interest in a pro-Ukraine/anti-war fannish fundraiser?

Yes, definitely. I have already given all the money I can spare to the DEC appeal, but I'd contribute in any way I could.

[dhampyresa]

*hugs*

FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

[princessofgeeks]

I am sorry you are judging yourself so harshly. Hoping for better days soon.

[dhampyresa]

Thank you and the same to you <3

[muccamukk]

I would totally be interested in a fundraiser. I don't think it's too late, considering if the war ended tomorrow (please happen, as unlikely as it is), that we'd still need to help rebuild the cities and pay for like A LOT of therapy and medical expenses. That said, don't take on if would burn you out.

I def don't care you're writing for Disney stuff. I do think you have valuable skills, like being a good friend, and a good human for your cat, and are interesting, and stand up for what you believe, and are into cool history stuff.

*hugs*

[dhampyresa]

we'd still need to help rebuild the cities and pay for like A LOT of therapy and medical expenses.
An excellent point.

FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

a good human for your cat
Miss Creant: lies. birb outside littel kitty inside. never such tragedy in all history of littel kittys.

[yuuago]

The feelings you're having are understandable. (You're not pointless, though. But it's understandable to feel that way, in a situation like this, where it's really difficult to have a direct impact.)

I definitely think there would be an interest in a pro-Ukraine fundraiser!

[dhampyresa]

You're too kind.

FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

*raises hand*

[flamingsword]

I am interested in a pro-Ukraine fandom fundraiser.

Also, I’m sorry your brain is doing wack, imposter syndrome type stuff to you. That sounds unpleasant and needlessly upsetting.

You aren’t judging us for our inability to do anything globally consequential, right? But because it’s you, it doesn’t count. So you are just treating yourself like you’re supposed to be better than us? Nope.

It’s what my therapist calls “disqualifying” - Treating yourself like the same standards don’t apply to you as to other people because reasons. And since this is the same stuff that I do, I can recognize it when other people do it.

But our brains are doing us a bamboozle, because we are not responsible for the ills of the world, just keeping up our little corner of it, and acting in concert with others to increase our impact. So if you want to organize a fandom resistance charity space, then I will be there.

Re: *raises hand*

[dhampyresa]

FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

RE: bamboozling brains, I need to look into “disqualifying”, thank you.

Re: *raises hand*

[flamingsword]

https://www.todayyoucan.net/avoid-cognitive-distortions-disqualifying-the-positive-jumping-to-conclusions/

Apparently it's name is "disqualifying the positive" and has broad applications.

[schneefink]

That poem haunts me.

<3

I do think there would be interest, I'm more surprised there isn't something like that already (or maybe there is and I just didn't notice.)

[dhampyresa]

<3<3<3<3<3<3

If there is, I have also missed it! and so: FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

[dolorosa_12]

This is such a mood.

I don't know if any of this is helpful to you, so please ignore if it's not, but this is what I did after the first three days of doomscrolling: I sat down, and tried to think what, if anything, I was able to do that would be of concrete help. The three things I came up with were:

1. I am safe, comparably well-paid, and with savings enough that I can make financial contributions to relevant charities/organisations. I decided that since deliberate disinformation and propaganda was upsetting me so much, I should log each instance of propaganda, and at the end of each week pay that amount to my chosen organisation. (So if I saw 10 instances, the organisation would get £10. Obviously I saw more than 10 instances...)

2. I live in a country where I have a right to freely express my opinion to my political representatives. They don't have to listen to me and they usually don't, but they can't stop me contacting them. Therefore, I write to my MP once a week and ask for more military assistance to be sent to Ukraine, and more sanctions to be applied to Russia.

3. As an ex-journalist and current information specialist, I have a degree of understanding about the spread of disinformation, and a responsibility to warn others about it, so I try to do so when I feel it's necessary.

It looks like you've done the same in terms of recognising the things you can do. A fannish fundraiser is a great idea.