In Lucian of Samosata's Pseudologista, he insults his critic by comparing the guy to the Lesbians and the Phoenicians as a way of saying he performs cunnilingus. (The full context is something along the lines of "everyone saw you do fellatio what would they say if i told them you also did oral sex on women WHAT THEN YOU PUNK ASS BITCH")

The words are λεσβιάζειν σε καὶ φοινικίζειν.

I could only find this pdf with an English translation. On page 407, "from Lesbos and Phoenicia". In this French translation, we have "la passion lesbienne et phénicienne" / "the Lesbian and Phenician passion". (I have to say being able to cross reference translations between languages is very useful when double checking meanings.)

Was this what I was looking for? No. Do I care? Also no.

A short while back, in the course of writing, I found myself wondering what the total price of a toga picta was. Not easily finding this information needed for a throwaway line, anyone not a dumbass would have let it go.

Reader, I am a dumbass.

After spending Too Long looking up things like Diocletian's Edict of Maximum Prices, working out conversions rates -- and yes, I did laugh like the secret twelve year old I am when I found out that Roman currency is based on the as, plural asses -- and learning far more about the price of silver in Colophon than I even thought was possible to learn, I landed on five different ways of calculating the price of a toga picta.

Including one involving the current going price of Tyrian purple because YES Tyrian purple exists today! The manufacturing is most likely different as the original recipe is lost afaik and they use a different species of Murex, but this is as close as you're going to be able to buy (unless you're one of of the lucky few who get their hands on some of Mohammed Ghassen Nouira's products). Or at least some people can buy Tyrian purple in modern times. I do not have the money for anything worth even close to 2.663,76 € per gram.

I'll spare you the calculations and go straight to the bottom line: it averages out at a total of about 3 million euros per toga, 807k of which is for the gold and 2,123M is for the Tyrian purple dyed cloth.

In conclusion, to put words on the way my cat looks at me every time I do anything with clothing: "if you can't make your own fur, storebought is fine?"

... I just spend a not insignificant amount of time being mad at Cicero for being Wrong On The Internet and writing my fave OOC

Ok more seriously his characterisation of Scipio in Somnium Scipionis is Bad

Basically I refuse to believe Scipio would talk about the razing of Carthage like it's a good thing ("Within these two years you will destroy it as Consul; and that title, which so far you bear as an inheritance from me, shall be won for you by your own achievement." MY LEFT FOOT in this house we do not respect genocidaires)

If Scipio had wanted to delenda himself a Carthago he could have! But he didn't! And even if he had he wouldn't have done it by comitting fucking genocide

Also I hate Cicero's overly long-winded writing style.

I cannot believe this needs saying but: I like verbs, ok.

( I also like memes )

What could possibly make it worse? Why to have two characters with THE EXACT SAME NAME, of course! He chose to refer to Publius Cornelius Scipio Aemilianus Africanus Minor and Publius Cornelius Scipio Africanus Maior both as Scipio Africanus which is technically not inaccurate I GUESS but a maddeningly confusing way to go (and yes if you were wondering it is also confusing and The Worst in French)
Why, Cicero? WHY?!

READING

What did you finish reading

2015

Magnus Chase and the Sword of Asgard, by Rick Riordan: It's been ages since I read this, given that I read it when it came out, way back in October 2015. Anyway, I enjoyed it a lot. Sam was my favourite and I remember being pretty down with the Loki characterisation. (And now I can go buy the sequel.)

The Red Pyramid, by Rick Riordan: I read this in early 2015! I am so bad at this reading Wednesday thing lately, wow. (But now I've officially talked about everything I readin 2015. Woohoo!) I also enjoyed this, but the worldbuilding didn't work quite as well for me here as it did in the other series(es) of Riordan's I've read. Also, I did not expect as much Isis/Seth shipping fodder as I got (it's my crackship of Egyptian mythos).


Tbh my fellings about both of the above are that they're pretty much exactly what one would expect of "Rick Riordan Does Norse Myths" and "Rick Riordan Does Egyptian Myths" respectively, so for people who like that sort of thing, it is the sort of thing that they like. /is a person who likes that sort of thing, is a case in point


2016

Everything below the cut is stuff I read at various points this year and didn't talk about already. I'm going to try my best to get through the whole list before the end of the year, but if you want to hear about anything in priority, don't hesitate to ask. With the exception of The Grass King's Concubine, they're all comics.

( List )

What are you reading now

Have made no progress on:
Contes et récits de l'histoire de Carthage by Jean Defrasne
Paris fais nous peur: 100 lieux du crime, de l'étrange et de l'irrationnel, by Claudine Hourcadette et Marc Lemonier
Warhorses by Yusef Komunyakaa
La Controverse de Valladolid by Jean-Claude Carrière

However! I have been re-reading Les Quatre de Baker Street in preparation of buying volume 7 soon (thoughts forthcoming) and I have missed these kids (+ cat) so much! There are so many great moments, but I think my favourite(s) is Charlie being the one to see through Holmes' disguise(s). At least in the first 3, which is as far as I've gotten this re-read so far. Volume 5 has my favourite panel, in which Billy and Charlie as scrambling out the window in a desperate move and run into Tom, who is just casually entering through the window. AS YOU DO.


Sophonisbe, by Pierre Corneille: CORNEILLE WROTE A PLAY ON THE SECOND PUNIC WAR AND NOBODY TOLD ME?! Anyway, I listened to the production on the France Culture website and daaaaaaaaaaamn that is one hella good play. In places I had to refer to the text on Wikisource, because I'm not great at voices. (All translations below by me.)

The play follows the broad lines of history. Before the play, Sophonisba (daughter of a General of Carthage) was going to marry Massinissa (Numidian king) and they were in love with each other. Unfortunately, Massinissa allied himself with the Romans, which lead Sophonisba to follow her head over her heart and marry Syphax, a Numidian king allied with Carthage, instead. The amount of choice she had in making this decision is something she doesn't always think of as the same. Within the play Sophonisba encourages Syphax to fight Laelius' army, allied with MAssinissa. Syphax loses, Massinissa and Sophonisba sort-of maybe get married and things degenerate.

I guess you could say it's a play about how far people are willing to go/what they're ready to sacrifice for love, power or pride.

This play gave me an even better appreciation of Sophonisbe and quite frankly everybody in it is a flawed and complex human being, but her most of all. *adopts characterisation wholesale*

I was surprisingly fond of Laelius. He starts off a lot harsher than I usually think of him, but then it becomes obvious that he's trying to be 'bad cop' (to Scipio's presumed 'good cop') and at one point he stops that and starts trying to make everyone happy, or failing that, making sure they stay alive.

Neither Hannibal nor Scipio appear in the play, but their presence is felt. Scipio's especially.

I liked that there seemed to be a fundamental cultural misunderstanding between the Romans and the Carthaginians/Numidians. The latter take it as read that Syphax' capture makes his marriage to Sophonisba null and void while the Romans are like "Married's married, what the hell?".

(Also, I ended up shipping Laelius/Massinissa and Massinissa/Scipio -- Sophonisba literally tells him "Vous aimez Lélius, vous aimez Scipion" / "You love Laelius, you love Scipio" OKAY -- and Scipio/Sophonisba -- idk, there's this whole thing about getting Scipio to marry Sophonisba himself to keep her safe and what if.)

The entire thing's in verse and there are more rhymes with Carthage than I expected! My favourite is "suffrage". But I also really love "En un mot, j’ai reçu du ciel pour mon partage / L’aversion de Rome et l’amour de Carthage." ("In one word I have received as my lot from above / From Rome dislike and from Carthage love") because oh, Sophonisba.

I was very pleasantly surprised by the amount of SICK BURNS in this play. Seriously, it is fucking savage by moments. At the end of Act 1, for example, Sophonisba has this to say to Syphax: "Je vous répondrais bien qu’après votre trépas / Ce que je deviendrai ne vous regarde pas" ("I would tell you that after your demise / What happens to me is for you to surmise"). Damn girl, find you some chill.

The line that's been stuck in my head since I listened to the play is from Laelius (to Massinissa), though. "Ce n’est qu’à leurs pareils à suivre leurs exemples ; / Et vous ferez comme eux quand vous aurez des temples". Laelius is referring to the gods with "leurs" so it translate more or less to "Only their equals can follow the gods' examples / You might do the same if you had temples". (NOBODY HAS ANY CHILL.)


I also listened to Neil Gaiman's How the Marquis Got His Coat Back, a short-ish Neverwhere sequel. It was okay. The plot twists/reveals could be seen from space, though.


I also listened to a bunch of podcasts but idk if these fit here or in the Watcing Monday posts or somewhere else or what.


What are you reading next

( To-read list )

Following the 101 primer,I will now answer some follow-up questions.


Does anybody know why Hannibal didn't march on Rome when he could? And also exactly under what circumstances did Hannibal and Scipio die the same year, were they in completely different places fighting other people or..?

( WE JUST DON'T KNOW )


Why did Scipio's relationship with Rome get sour?

( Delenda Carthago est! )


How come Scipio and Hannibal didn't cross paths in that last war of theirs?

( Not An Expert TM )


( dhampyresa explains the First Punic War )


Could you tell us more about Hannibal's family? Like, his father got a kingdom in Spain?

( The family )


( The kingdom in Spain )


Also, what do you think the powers that be in Carthage think was going to happen with Rome? In not helping Hannibal there, they passed up on an opportunity to storm Rome and possibly crush their enemy. Were they that certain of their ultimate victory in the conflict? Was it just unthinkable to them that Rome would win?
( Psychology of Carthage, Rome and Hannibal )


What did they look like? How do you picture them for shipping purposes?

( 100% legit scholarship )


Are there other members of Hannibal's army named besides Maharbal and his brothers Hasdrubal & Mago?

( Meet the people who are even worse at names than the Romans )


I have feelings. SEND HELP.

So I ended up writing a 2k primer on Hannibal Barca and Scipio Africanus yesterday, ending at about midnight last night, which is why it only occurs to me now to share it with y'all. Because, you know, I have a lot about feelings about these two? And now you can have context!

(Because not everyone is as familiar with generals from the Second Punic War as you are, dhampyresa. I mean, seriously. It probably says a lot about me that the only thing I had to look up for this was troop numbers at Trebbia.)


( I ship it so very hard, btw )

So yeah, that's the story of Hannibal Barca and Scipio Africanus.

I skipped a lot of stuff, like the thing with the oxen and did you see how much I glossed over Ilipa? Ilipa! I love Ilipa! It's my favourite after Cannae. Plus, I, like, gave zero background on the political landscape of Rome and/or Carthage at the times and didn't talk at all about strategies or troop movements or or or! This is very abridged, but hopefully still gets to the core of the story.

(Some follow-up questions)

But hey! Have some links for sticking with me all this time:
A post where I talk about why I ship them
A movie where Alexander Siddig is Hannibal
Some cartoons explaining the Punic Wars
A song about Hannibal
One of my favourite poems which takes place immediately before Trebbia

Also! Have I mentionned yet that the meeting at Ephesus has been described as "Hannibal discreetly courting Scipio? Because it was.

So there you go, then.

So I hear this is the done thing now? Have a poem, one of the few I know by heart. It's about my favourite historical figure (Hannibal Barca) and since it's in French, have a homebrew translation as well. It's not even the reason I love this poem, even thpugh it's part of it. I think this is the poem that showed me exactly how pretty poetry could be, because I really love the rythm of the last stanza.

La Trebbia

de José-Maria de Heredia

L'aube d'un jour sinistre a blanchi les hauteurs.
Le camp s'éveille. En bas roule et gronde le fleuve
Où l'escadron léger des Numides s'abreuve.
Partout sonne l'appel clair des buccinateurs.

Car malgré Scipion, les augures menteurs,
La Trebbia débordée, et qu'il vente et qu'il pleuve,
Sempronius Consul, fier de sa gloire neuve,
A fait lever la hache et marcher les licteurs.

Rougissant le ciel noir de flamboîments lugubres,
A l'horizon, brûlaient les villages Insubres ;
On entendait au loin barrir un éléphant.

Et là-bas, sous le pont, adossé contre une arche,
Hannibal écoutait, pensif et triomphant,
Le piétinement sourd des légions en marche.

( Translation )