:(

[dhampyresa]

1. Swimming: Today: 900m. (Was aiming for 1k, forgot that the actual swimming part of the swimming pool closes 30mn before the pool part.) Past total: 51 000. Current total: 51 900 / 585 689.


2. I just signed up for Chocolate Box, an experience that was... emotionally fraught. It's Not The Exchange, It's Me. I changed some wording in my letter and now I feel like a huge asshole -- also like my DNWs are completely unreasonable and I am a shit person for even having some in the first place.


3. I'm really fucking down about my art right now. Case in point, I reread True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys over the week-end and instead of being motivated to Get Better TM, I just... sat there in a daze, consumed with envy and despair over Becky Cloonan's inking skills. Fuck, idk. Maybe I should just stop. It's not like anyone would miss my stuff anyway. I try so hard to get better but I stay in place and people much newer to art than me are already miles better and I bet they're laughing at me for even trying -- you can't polish a turd, after all. Not even by drawing everyday.

Comments

[misbegotten]

You seem to be in a bad place in general? I hope things improve soon. FWIW, your DNWs seemed perfectly reasonable.

[dhampyresa]

You seem to be in a bad place in general?
You know, I think I might be? Thanks for the catch.

FWIW, your DNWs seemed perfectly reasonable.
Thank you.

[isis]

You are a good person and you should feel good about yourself. I like your art!

[dhampyresa]

Thank you! <3

[yhlee]

2. You're not an asshole. I used to have like one DNW, way back when. Now I have a bunch (including, after 2016, "no floods," because it's so out of left field I would not expect J. Random Exchange Participant to telepathically know I have trauma around being flooded), because I keep seeing things in exchanges and I also learn better ways to communicate my DNWs. A reasonable author will be thankful for clear DNWs, and the longer you do exchanges, the more thoughts you will have on how to make your DNWs clear. It's a learning process!

3. You have lovely figures and a good grasp of proportion and anatomy. I'm not familiar with Cloonan's work, but I bet when she was starting out the inking was not 100% beautiful. Art is weird in that often you're making progress in incremental ways that you don't even notice until suddenly all at once it looks like a breakthrough. When I started drawing figures and life drawing, my stuff was really wobbly and scribbly and misproportioned. I had an art lesson yesterday and the comic artist said I had solid anatomy--those literal years of work had paid off, even though I can't point at any specific line in the sand where things suddenly got better. It was probably a gradual process. Do you have work from five years ago, ten years ago? Take it out and look at it. There will probably be parts that make you wince--that's growth; that's a sign you are a better artist, that you have learned things that you didn't know five, ten years ago. A couple years back, I got a notebook of sketches that I had done back in high school. All the proportions and everything were wrong! I remembered drawing those pictures back in high school and they seemed fine then. I can see the mistakes now. So hang in there. I would miss your art; I really enjoyed your Jeanne d'Arc series.

(I have additional thoughts on how to adjust a regimen of drawing everyday if you want to hear them, but only if you want to hear them.)

[dhampyresa]

A reasonable author will be thankful for clear DNWs
I like the inclusion if the "reasonable" caveat, lol

You have lovely figures and a good grasp of proportion and anatomy
At this point I feel like I have no idea what any of that even means.

Becky Cloonan's Inktober 2018 output.

I had an art lesson yesterday and the comic artist said I had solid anatomy
Good for you.

I have additional thoughts on how to adjust a regimen of drawing everyday
Hit me.

[yhlee]

Well, let's be real, there are asshole fic writers out there, humanity being what it is. :p

Cloonan's oracle cards are really beautiful! Thanks for sharing. I can see why comparisons could feel destructive--I know that feeling. I look at watercolorists all the time and have to remind myself that I have been doing watercolor for like...a year or so. There is a learning curve!

What that means: "your people look like people rather than stretched people with weird heads." :p This is an achievement! It took me years to stop drawing people that weren't stretched with weird heads.

So one thing that might be helpful in adjusting a drawing-everyday regimen is to look at (a) celebrating your strengths or (b) shoring up your weaknesses. This is an idea I got from an interview with an artist in an issue of Imagine FX, which is a zine for digital sf/f illustration. Basically, you want not just to draw but draw in such a way that you target some specific aspect of art, whether that's something you're already good at and enjoy, so that you build up your joy in drawing again, or something that you know you're still learning, so that you get in practice. The artist in question suggested taking things one month at a time, so that each month you try something different. For example, one month might be figure, another month might be color, another month might be negative space. Or you could do it in a more fun/fannish way, just as you did with your Jeanne d'Arc series! He literally says that when he started his "one-month habit" drawing practice, he spent one month drawing different doodles of Wonder Woman because she was one of his favorite characters.

Anyway, this is something that I have been endeavoring to do on and off, although I'm pretty bad at structure and doing things every single day, and given that you already pulled off a Jeanne d'Arc challenge series I'm betting you'll be better at it! Make a list of things that you would enjoy tackling for thirty days at a time (Jeanne d'Arc! Hannibal! Tanith! kittens! inking! hands! seriously, whatever works for you). Again, you're drawing everyday, so you're mostly there! But I wonder if you might see some benefit from additionally targeting your practice.

All the same, every artist is different, so if you don't find this suggestion helpful, please disregard, and good luck with your art.

[dhampyresa]

Your advice is super helpful, thank you. I need to chew on it -- the last time I opened my sketchbook my brain went EAT IT EAT THE SKETCHBOOK lol -- but doing 30 day 'challenges' is a really good idea.

I don't know if I could do 30 Taniths, though! Which might be a sign that I should try anyway. When I did Joan *eyebrow waggle* I didn't really vary art styles, just took a merry romp through history and hagiography, so Tanith might be a way to practice different styles.

Thank you again! <3

[bunn]

I don't know if this would work for you, but I started doing the challenges on https://www.quickposes.com/ - stuff like 20 figures each drawn in 2 minutes. It's free, and it keeps a track of what you have drawn so there's an incentive to do it every day. (I abandoned the sketchbook and just drew on a cheap pad so I could chuck the practices afterwards)

It was terrifying and messy to begin with, but no question it's improved my figure drawing enormously and certainly my speed and confidence too!

Thought I'd mention in case you'd like to try.

[dhampyresa]

That's good advice, thank you! <3

[eller]

Don't feel bad about your DNWs! Everyone has them - and really, an author who wants to make you happy with a fic NEEDS to know these things. No one wants to write something the recipient won't enjoy, and clear DNWs are helpful in that regard.

Also, I love your artwork, and you know it. :)

[dhampyresa]

Thank you for both of those <3

[china_shop]

*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

[dhampyresa]

<3<3<3<3<3<3

[alby_mangroves]

It's hard not to compare yourself, I know. We all do it. But for me at least, the making is the part I enjoy most, and that's not dependant on whether other people like it or not. The making is the good part. So if you're like me and you enjoy making, please don't stop!! <3

Tomorrow's another day and I hope you're feeling better about things x

[dhampyresa]

Even at my worst, I tend to enjoy the "putting pencil to paper" stage, but then I have to look at what I'm drawing (HOW VERY DARE) and that is unfun :(

Thank you for the cheering up <3

[hokuton_punch]

*hugs*

[dhampyresa]

Thanks

[corvidology]

*hugs you hard* You are not an arsehole for rephrasing your letter and you have a really short DNW list that's not at all unreasonable.

[dhampyresa]

I appreciate this a whole lot. <3

[alasse_irena]

You're entitled to DNWs! No matter how weird or specific. The only kind of DNW that makes you an arsehole is like "DNW anything less than 20k, literary masterpieces only".

[dhampyresa]

You're entitled to DNWs! No matter how weird or specific
Thank you so much. I needed to hear that.

[yuuago]

Your DNWs look perfectly reasonable to me.

/MORE HUGS

[dhampyresa]

Thank you! I do feel like one day someone's going to think I'm joking about the Arthuriana DNW -- not because I am (I am really not) but because it looks so silly next to the others, kind of "arson, murder and jaywalking", lol.

[tomakeanoffer]

I don't have much in me right now but I just want to offer hugs and understanding and kindness. <3333 I'm sorry brains are shit and I hope you don't quit art and just hearts. Lots of them.

[dhampyresa]

All things very much appreciated! *hugs*

[alchimie]

I hope you do not quit art -- I like your work for itself, I am still a little in love with your Joan from November.

[dhampyresa]

That's very kind of you to say. Thank you. (I am working on more Joan stuff, actually!)

[alchimie]

Excellent! I will hope to see it.

As well as liking the art for itself, I am finding watching people work on things to be very inspiring to actually work myself, and to perhaps even show it to people rather than hiding it away out of embarassment. So there is that also. But truly, I am sorry you are in a bad place and I hope it improves soon.

[dhampyresa]

It's still very much a WIP right now (anywhere from one to five WIPs, technically), but I hope to post it to this journal eventually.

I am finding watching people work on things to be very inspiring to actually work myself
That's an excellent idea! I'll see if I can dig up some art vids.

Thank you for the support.

[hamletta]

Much hugs!!!!

I don't participate in exchanges, but if I ever did I'd much rather see a long list of DNWs that none and then wonder if I'm not sending something offensive or unpleasant.

Sending some kitty purrs!

[dhampyresa]

HUGS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED

Kitty pictures also appreciated