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dhampyresaMostly over my sickness, though still tired. Unfortunately this appears to be one of those times my tiredness triggers my RLS which is fucking great because the RLS makes it harder to fall asleep which makes me more tired which makes the RLS worse which makes it harder to fall asleep which makes me more tired etc.
BecauseI am prone to bad decisions Inktober is supposed to be a challenge and I already draw a thing a day, I had firts thought I was gonna use the month to draw/ink some comic pages but I waffled so much on details that instead I decided to try to draw two things a day: a new set of Joan of Arc pieces and going through the Mab's Drawlloween prompt list (which I only know about because ![[twitter.com profile]](https://p.dreamwidth.org/e0caa790ec10/-/twitter.com/favicon.ico)
iren_horrorsis doing it). I haven't posted anything anywhere because, quite frankly, it's all shite. There's maybe once in a while the glimpse of an idea that's not completely cliché/unoriginal/plain bad (the Joan halo diptych, Black Dog Seth, the Frankenstein pieta) but always ALWAYS the execution lets everything down.
And I know I KNOW I'm being irrational, that both "my art is shit and no one will ever like it" and "the art that people like is shit" cannot possibly both be true at the same time and yet. AND YET. And yetbeckycloonan is doing an entire comic and I can't even do one goddamn page. And everyone else is posting such amazing art and making so much progress and I... have absolutely zero artistic talent and don't know how to draw. never have, never will.
I'm not an envious person and I'm not jealous of anyone, I just wish I could draw and am bitter I cannot.
NaNoWriMo and yuletide are also right around the corner and those have... their own issues, for me. Yuletide didn't use to, but after what happened last year (got gifted a DNW, was triggered, went to the mods, author deleted entire fandom presence) I feel like I probably should never participate in an exchange ever again. As for NaNoWriMo, I basically don't know if I can write at all anymore.
Because
And I know I KNOW I'm being irrational, that both "my art is shit and no one will ever like it" and "the art that people like is shit" cannot possibly both be true at the same time and yet. AND YET. And yet
I'm not an envious person and I'm not jealous of anyone, I just wish I could draw and am bitter I cannot.
NaNoWriMo and yuletide are also right around the corner and those have... their own issues, for me. Yuletide didn't use to, but after what happened last year (got gifted a DNW, was triggered, went to the mods, author deleted entire fandom presence) I feel like I probably should never participate in an exchange ever again. As for NaNoWriMo, I basically don't know if I can write at all anymore.
(no subject)
Date: 2019-10-20 07:50 am (UTC)Your yuletide experience sounds awful. I'm sorry that happened, but I agree with the others that it's 100% not on you.