Ungrieving is weird

So. I have a friend who has been battling cancer for something like a decade and a half by now. She's had multiple relapses, multiple rounds of chemo, multiple surgeries, multiple permanent side-effects of her meds/chemo, the whole nine yards.

The better part of a year ago, she had to have another open brain surgery.

I texted her afterwards to know how it went. No answer. I texted her again, still no answer. Months passed. I contacted mutual friends. Still nothing. I asked the one person I know who knows her parents if they'd heard anything. They hadn't.

After months of silence, sometime around Christmas, I had to face the fact that I should probably start mourning/grieving for her.

GUESS WHO I RAN INTO A FEW DAYS AGO

Yeah, she's not dead. Turns out the brain surgery went rather poorly, to the point she had to (a) go back under the knife twice and (b) lost all memory. That last one was thankful temporary, but her recall is still kind of shit as is her short term memory and memory making ability. Point being: she's not dead.

I'm a complicated tangle of emotions right now. I'm happy and relieved and yet, somehow, absurdly, still grieving??????