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meltedpeep posted a Hetalia/Good Omens crossover. I was then inspired to write this, which takes place after the third fragment but before the fourth.
(You should really read peep's fic because a) it's awesome, b) this will make more sense and c) it's awesome. Nevertheless, here's what you need to know: Prussia and England are going to New York. By car. And what's more, it's a Trabant, which is actually powder-blue, contrary to the title. Also, Death tags along, as England imaginary friend.)
A yellow Trabant
Contrary to popular belief, life on the ocean floor is not better just because it’s wetter. Nor are there any singing crustaceans. It is in fact pretty boring. Prussia and England have started to realise that.
Prussia drives.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
A whale sails overhead.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
England is thankful that Death is up for conversation. If he(1) is, if he wasn’t England suspects he would be so bored as to attempt conversation with Prussia. And where would he be then?
England does not realise that he is twitching nervously.
England drives.
Nothing happens to Prussia, rather slowly.
England’s eyebrows have stopped looking like caterpillars.
The more Prussia looks at England eyebrows the more they now look like dangerous aliens from outer space out to eat his brain.
And look! Here’s proof: everytime England’s right eyebrow twitches, he utters a non sequitur or otherwise insane remark.
Prussia starts believing that England’s imaginary friends are hallucinations provoked by his dying brain. God knows Prussia’s had enough experience with those.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
England drives.
The following conversation occurs.
“Was that Greece ?”
“No, could’t have been”
ON THE CONTRARY I DO BELIEVE IT WAS
“Oh shut up you”
Privately, Prussia wondered if it was too late to flee before the eyebrows ate his brain too.
England drives.
Capitaine Marie Lacroix of the French nuclear(2) submarine Le Redoutable(3) had a problem. You see, despite being very complete, the French manual for submarine officers held no protocol has to what to do should the magnetic field around Earth revert itself(4). Consequently, they were lost somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, but wether north or south she couldn't say. And who knows where North was these days.
That, however, was not the problem. The problem was that the sonar had picked up a couple of suspicious beeps, the closest of which looked like a marine trench. And if that was a marine trench, then they were completely out of their depth and heading straight for the submarine disaster of the century(5). As such she ordered full thrust to port to avoid said marine trench, which brought them dangerously close to the second closest beep, the one that looked like a rectangle(6).
"Keep your eyes on the road!" shouted Prussia at England. At some point during the last 6 hours they must have changed seats, because England was now driving. Or at least, he was driving when he wasn't busy outsnarking his imaginary friends. Which he was doing right now, instead of driving, hence Prussia's distress(7).
"Submarine!" screamed Prussia as he lunged to grab the wheel and swerve out of the way. “I’m not falling for it, you git! You’re not going to drive again!”cried England as Prussia inadvertently elbowed him in the face. As the car shrieked in protest off this violent treatment, England kept trying to turn the other way meaning the two of them ended up wrestling for control of the wheel instead of avoiding the upcoming submarine.
IT WOULD APPEAR THAT THERE IS A SUBMARINE said Death.
“Oh dear.” Said England. The submarine was heading straight for them and they were frozen like drivers who had just seen a deer in their headlights. Unexpectedly(8), the submarine shot up, went right past them and ripped away their radio antenna. At which point, the radio crackled resolved into something sounding quite like "La priorité à droite c'est pas fait pour les chiens, connard!".
Marie Lacroix looked again through the periscope and muttered, “I need a drink”.
“What for?” asked First Mate Louis Ober-Lariant.
“I’m going to need it if I have to explain to the Etat-major that we nearly ran over a Trabant” said Marie.
“Oh okay, I’ll fetch the strong stuff then” said Louis, “wait, did you just say ‘Trabant’?”
-----
1 Yes, he. Get over it.
2 In both sense of the words: carrying atom bombs and powered by nuclear fission.
3 The French have an habit of giving their submarines names like 'The Formidable', possibly to help dispell any notion that they are useless, probably because they are
4 Or rather it did, just not in the case it shifted more than half a dozen times in as many hours.
5 The 21rst, mind you, not the 20th.
6 Nominally a rectangle. In actuality, it was closer in looks to a bundle of odd shapes tied together with tape than any rectangle Marie had ever seen. It sounded like one too.
7 Not that Prussia is ever distressed. He too awesome for that.
8 Or expectedly, rather, since it fits within the scope of Narrative Causality.
meltedpeep posted a Hetalia/Good Omens crossover. I was then inspired to write this, which takes place after the third fragment but before the fourth.(You should really read peep's fic because a) it's awesome, b) this will make more sense and c) it's awesome. Nevertheless, here's what you need to know: Prussia and England are going to New York. By car. And what's more, it's a Trabant, which is actually powder-blue, contrary to the title. Also, Death tags along, as England imaginary friend.)
A yellow Trabant
Contrary to popular belief, life on the ocean floor is not better just because it’s wetter. Nor are there any singing crustaceans. It is in fact pretty boring. Prussia and England have started to realise that.
Prussia drives.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
A whale sails overhead.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
England is thankful that Death is up for conversation. If he(1) is, if he wasn’t England suspects he would be so bored as to attempt conversation with Prussia. And where would he be then?
England does not realise that he is twitching nervously.
England drives.
Nothing happens to Prussia, rather slowly.
England’s eyebrows have stopped looking like caterpillars.
The more Prussia looks at England eyebrows the more they now look like dangerous aliens from outer space out to eat his brain.
And look! Here’s proof: everytime England’s right eyebrow twitches, he utters a non sequitur or otherwise insane remark.
Prussia starts believing that England’s imaginary friends are hallucinations provoked by his dying brain. God knows Prussia’s had enough experience with those.
England drives.
Prussia drives.
England drives.
The following conversation occurs.
“Was that Greece ?”
“No, could’t have been”
ON THE CONTRARY I DO BELIEVE IT WAS
“Oh shut up you”
Privately, Prussia wondered if it was too late to flee before the eyebrows ate his brain too.
England drives.
Capitaine Marie Lacroix of the French nuclear(2) submarine Le Redoutable(3) had a problem. You see, despite being very complete, the French manual for submarine officers held no protocol has to what to do should the magnetic field around Earth revert itself(4). Consequently, they were lost somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, but wether north or south she couldn't say. And who knows where North was these days.
That, however, was not the problem. The problem was that the sonar had picked up a couple of suspicious beeps, the closest of which looked like a marine trench. And if that was a marine trench, then they were completely out of their depth and heading straight for the submarine disaster of the century(5). As such she ordered full thrust to port to avoid said marine trench, which brought them dangerously close to the second closest beep, the one that looked like a rectangle(6).
"Keep your eyes on the road!" shouted Prussia at England. At some point during the last 6 hours they must have changed seats, because England was now driving. Or at least, he was driving when he wasn't busy outsnarking his imaginary friends. Which he was doing right now, instead of driving, hence Prussia's distress(7).
"Submarine!" screamed Prussia as he lunged to grab the wheel and swerve out of the way. “I’m not falling for it, you git! You’re not going to drive again!”cried England as Prussia inadvertently elbowed him in the face. As the car shrieked in protest off this violent treatment, England kept trying to turn the other way meaning the two of them ended up wrestling for control of the wheel instead of avoiding the upcoming submarine.
IT WOULD APPEAR THAT THERE IS A SUBMARINE said Death.
“Oh dear.” Said England. The submarine was heading straight for them and they were frozen like drivers who had just seen a deer in their headlights. Unexpectedly(8), the submarine shot up, went right past them and ripped away their radio antenna. At which point, the radio crackled resolved into something sounding quite like "La priorité à droite c'est pas fait pour les chiens, connard!".
Marie Lacroix looked again through the periscope and muttered, “I need a drink”.
“What for?” asked First Mate Louis Ober-Lariant.
“I’m going to need it if I have to explain to the Etat-major that we nearly ran over a Trabant” said Marie.
“Oh okay, I’ll fetch the strong stuff then” said Louis, “wait, did you just say ‘Trabant’?”
-----
1 Yes, he. Get over it.
2 In both sense of the words: carrying atom bombs and powered by nuclear fission.
3 The French have an habit of giving their submarines names like 'The Formidable', possibly to help dispell any notion that they are useless, probably because they are
4 Or rather it did, just not in the case it shifted more than half a dozen times in as many hours.
5 The 21rst, mind you, not the 20th.
6 Nominally a rectangle. In actuality, it was closer in looks to a bundle of odd shapes tied together with tape than any rectangle Marie had ever seen. It sounded like one too.
7 Not that Prussia is ever distressed. He too awesome for that.
8 Or expectedly, rather, since it fits within the scope of Narrative Causality.