Hee. It is fun, isn't it? Thank you for the suggestions. Your I will go version is much more nicely anapaestic.
I kept wanting to have the meter all tidy, but the original defies that sort of marching rhythm when I try to read it out, so I think it makes more sense to have longer syllables in more places than a strict pattern would call for. (If possible, that is. "No more can I abide it, so far from you to be." is an ugly sing-song line but I had so much trouble getting it to rhyme.)
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Date: 2016-01-27 03:36 am (UTC)I kept wanting to have the meter all tidy, but the original defies that sort of marching rhythm when I try to read it out, so I think it makes more sense to have longer syllables in more places than a strict pattern would call for. (If possible, that is. "No more can I abide it, so far from you to be." is an ugly sing-song line but I had so much trouble getting it to rhyme.)