but not enough

[dhampyresa]

(Entry title from Ilya Kaminsky's We Lived Happily During the War.)

I hate not being able to do anything. I hate it SO MUCH. It's like instead of being one tightly wound spring, I'm a million tuning forks vibrating at ultrahigh frequencies.

I keep feeling guilty about the silliest, most trivial things (seriously, who gives a fuck if most of my very sporadic recent fic output is from owned-by-Disney properties?!) and about making it all about me and being a coward and lazy and not having the skills to DO anything. I don't have any skills. I'm fucking pointless is what I am. The only skill I can sort of be said to have is that I managed to run a fandom exchange almost decently for a few years. Such useful very skill wow

...

Hey, do you think there'd be an interest in a pro-Ukraine/anti-war fannish fundraiser? too little too late?

Comments

*raises hand*

[flamingsword]

I am interested in a pro-Ukraine fandom fundraiser.

Also, I’m sorry your brain is doing wack, imposter syndrome type stuff to you. That sounds unpleasant and needlessly upsetting.

You aren’t judging us for our inability to do anything globally consequential, right? But because it’s you, it doesn’t count. So you are just treating yourself like you’re supposed to be better than us? Nope.

It’s what my therapist calls “disqualifying” - Treating yourself like the same standards don’t apply to you as to other people because reasons. And since this is the same stuff that I do, I can recognize it when other people do it.

But our brains are doing us a bamboozle, because we are not responsible for the ills of the world, just keeping up our little corner of it, and acting in concert with others to increase our impact. So if you want to organize a fandom resistance charity space, then I will be there.

Re: *raises hand*

[dhampyresa]

FUCK IT I'M DOING THE THING.

RE: bamboozling brains, I need to look into “disqualifying”, thank you.

Re: *raises hand*

[flamingsword]

https://www.todayyoucan.net/avoid-cognitive-distortions-disqualifying-the-positive-jumping-to-conclusions/

Apparently it's name is "disqualifying the positive" and has broad applications.