Hee. It is fun, isn't it? Thank you for the suggestions. Your I will go version is much more nicely anapaestic.

I kept wanting to have the meter all tidy, but the original defies that sort of marching rhythm when I try to read it out, so I think it makes more sense to have longer syllables in more places than a strict pattern would call for. (If possible, that is. "No more can I abide it, so far from you to be." is an ugly sing-song line but I had so much trouble getting it to rhyme.)